Rest In Peace……Eulogy of a Houseplant

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pay tribute and respect to one False Aralia better known as Houseplant #4……

Houseplant #4 you deserved better.  The odds were stacked up against you worse than being born into the Lohan family.  The day I bought you, your destiny was to die.  As morbid as it sounds, you were doomed from the day I laid eyes on you.

You were such a beautiful plant – full of life (and leaves).  A soft breeze would make you rustle with delight.  You grew full and strong — your leaves shiny.  Your leaves….like Madonna’s endless parade of young Latin lovers……were your shining glory.  Deep green and variegated, they were a pleasure to behold.

Now you are just a shell of yourself.  Much like a Whitney Houston record after 2000, you are basking in the glow of former glories.  I think the best I can do is give you your proper respects and place you to rest.

Go to that big nursery in the sky — your road was hard and you have earned your reward.  I pray that you find the sunlight & fertilizer you so desperately needed here on Earth.  Sleep the everlasting sleep my sweet Houseplant #4.  You put up a good fight…..


(okay I am off to find my next victim….have a great weekend.)

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5 thoughts on “Rest In Peace……Eulogy of a Houseplant

  1. It looks like it just needs a little water…maybe it’s just dry? LOL

    In any case I’m going to report you to the police…serial killers shouldn’t be allowed to roam free =P

  2. I have that same problem, my hubby said no more plant buying for you leave the plants to me. LOL my recent victim is a Holly yes, a Holly evergreen Holly that are so easy to grow … lol I guess not for me. Poor things they are so sad and brown. I should post a pic.

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