I Don’t Think You Understand the Concept of “Friend”

Don’t call me your friend on Saturday night at the club and a sinner on Sunday morning.

And with those last words, I ended a relationship with a “friend” a few weeks ago.   In the last year, I have realized that as I get older, I have fewer and fewer friends in my life.  Partially through natural attrition and more recently because I have changed the direction of my life.  I think that “friends” are very similar to clothing in many senses; some are trendy that get tossed in a few months while others are timeless pieces that stay with you for a lifetime.  And there are those treasured pieces that you forgot about but pull out and still love each and every time. 

This friendship fell into the first category of trendy friendships.  We all have them.  Those individuals you meet through a mutual acquaintance or at a party.  They are witty and funny on the first go around.  Perfect mate for shopping, movies, club hopping or a dinner out.  But at the end of the day, you realize that the friendship is superficial and based on fluff….no substance….no meat.  All filler.  They are the H&M of your friend wardrobe.

So I wasn’t surprised that this person had began to discuss and embellish our outings together.  They added their own Dr. Phil perspective to my life, which was always wrong (but then I am bias).  See the issue is that with these types of people, I edit myself.  They don’t get the full story…..just a cute and brief synopsis of the highlights.  It’s like story telling via E! Entertainment – short and simply at a 6th grade comprehension level.  Fluff.  However, I think this person needed more, so rather than ask for details, they made them up.  Literally.  Made up.  Places, events, times.  Just made up to give the story more oomph.

And here is the kicker.  Because they made the stories up, they were able to customize them to fit the group of people they were sitting with.  To one group, I was a troubled soul.  To another, I was without direction.  And to some, I was cast as the sinner who needed to be prayed for.  And for what?  For things I never did.

All of this got back to me cause their stories got messy and didn’t sound like me.  Facts changed and people who were actually at the events were told different versions.  People questioned their validity and in turn notified me that things were being taken out of context, combined or just fabricated.  So I did what any well-meaning person of a certain age would do, I called them and them to explain their behavior.  Calm.  Cool.  Collect. Albeit totally annoyed.

What I got was a series of ramblings and attempts to “flip” the situation.  What I got was total denial on their part.  What I got was a lecture on how my sexual orientation would lead me to hell.  Yes.  Hell.  WTF?  Was this the same person who went out with me to bars a few weeks earlier?  Was this the same person who told me that gay porn turned them on?   Was this the same person who told me of their own same-sex feelings just a week ago?  And now I was being told I would be prayed for when they went to church.

Here is the tricky thing…God knows me.  I talk to him all the time.  He knows my heart.  He knows my mind.  He knows my soul.  He knows the good, the bad and the ugly (and there is a lot to the last two parts).  So to say that you will “pray for me” is sorta like adding water to an already full cup — it just doesn’t matter at this point.  Your words are insincere. Your motives are dubious.  And worst of all, you hide behind religion when you get caught.  Say what you want to whomever you are praying to cause you need their help more than I do.

We both are too old to be involved in something this trivial.  You are too educated to be this petty.  But clearly, the years have not brought you solace or wisdom.  You will never know true friendship or happiness cause you lack the capacity to know yourself.  You define yourself through others and their validation is what you seek.  I know you will read this cause it will give you a sense of accomplishment.  Sad.  Pathetic.  Weak.  And for what?  My reputation is still intact.  You have alienated other friends and our social circle now knows the ill-will you harbour.  And for what my former friend?  You have nothing to offer so you offer lies.  I hope they keep you warm at night and fill your dance calendar, cause I don’t know anyone who wants to be next to you.  So enjoy. 

And with that last line, I wish you a good luck and a good day, cause baby your life is not one I envy at this point.

Photo Credit: www.deviantart.com

5 thoughts on “I Don’t Think You Understand the Concept of “Friend”

  1. Well, I don’t know if you want input from an atheist, but I’m 57, and I have the impression — and have had it for years — that just about nobody I try to have a deep and meaningful friendship with understands the CONCEPT of friendship anymore. At least not the same concept I’M using.

  2. I love this post. Ive been through the same experience, I had a so called best fried but the 3 years that we were friends it was nothing but backstabbing gossiping lies etc. It was a very turbulent relationship which drained me emotionally. We are no longer friends and it was a bitter ending but I walked away with my head up and stress free. Eventually she apologized for the lies and made up stories, I forgave her but continued on with out her. I was realizing the same thing recently .. As i get older the fewer friends I have … The ones that are still around are the ones that understand me and have been with me through thick and thin and these are the small circle of friends that i love surrounding myself with. Once again I love this post and your blog .. Its very inspirational. xoxoxoxo From your fan in NYC ❤

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